Finding Elaine

My friend Amanda messaged me today.  It’s the first day of 2024, and her message said this:

“As the creator of the next 365 days, may you fill your canvas with a painting of goodness and whatever fills your heart’s deepest wishes.”

I know my deepest wish.  I want to write.

I love words.  I love playing with words.  I love finding exactly the right word.  I find joy in the art of wordsmithery.  I love the word wordsmithery!  I always have done.  I don’ t remember learning to read or write.  Being able to do so fills the entirety of my memory.  So what holds me back?  I think it’s wondering whether I have anything to say that will add to all the wonderful words already out there.  And yet, I spend my days cheerleading the world to find and be who they truly are, without fear and without comparison.  Because when we aren’t ourselves and don’t share ourselves, the world is poorer.  There is, after all, only ever going to be one of us in the whole of eternity.  And someone may be waiting for me. 

So, why not write for me?  For the sheer pleasure of discovering what I sound like; for the joy of seeing me come to life on the page in front of me.  Fearless.  Incomparable.  And if someone else takes pleasure and finds joy too, then that’s an unexpected honour, and one that I won’t necessarily even know about. 

This year, I am going to join all those who write to discover who they find themselves to be.  Not because it’s a goal but because it’s a dream just waiting to come true that I will enjoy fulfilling. 

I am going to write.

Filling my canvas.