Choice

Sometimes what gets in the way of flow isn’t an obstacle in the mind.  Sometimes it is an obstacle in real life.  Big and obvious.  Something others can see and comment on.  Not something that is tucked away safely in your mind for you to work around when you are ready.

When I woke up this morning, I could breathe and say that I was glad to find myself exactly where I was without any effort at all.  Now, I am puffing with the effort.  The pathfinder who found her path this year, and found the courage to step out of her comfort zone and  walk it, feels like sitting down.  Isn’t it amazing how things can change in a heartbeat?  I wonder if it is harder to climb over an obstacle when it is something physical that you have no control over.  I can’t change it so how am I going to go around, and do I have the energy? 

Two years ago a storm caused the land below our house in Marlborough to slip onto the road.  Two months ago we finally had confirmation that Marlborough Roads were ready to repair the slip so that the land and the road would be protected in the future.  One month ago they completed their repairs.  One day ago, there was another rainstorm.  And the land has slipped again.

I am tired.

Do you ever feel like that? 

Every season comes with an invitation.  Are you coming?  Are you coming alone? Are you coming with friends?  Are you coming with God?  Are you blinded by your timeline or can you walk with mine?  Do you see the process that’s part of this or can you only see the promise of where you want to be?  Can you use what goes wrong or breaks along the way to create the mosaic masterpiece that will be yours when you arrive?  Are you still coming?

 This is a whakataukī that we have come to love at the Space class I facilitate.  Space is a postnatal programme for first time parents through the first year of being a parent.  Becoming a parent is an unimaginably different new season.  No matter how you think you have prepared, it is not what you have imagined.  Pretty much everything changes.  It is incredible, frightening, exhausting, miraculous, inspiring, every superlative you can draw out from your brain that has pruned many old skills to make room for the many new. 

It’s a good whakataukī for today.

No need to be afraid; just be alert and aware.

Rest today.  Begin again tomorrow.

I am a pathfinder, and I will find my way.  I am still coming. 

And the roots of the new growth that always follows a rainstorm, on this ground that has now been prepared, even if it has moved slightly, will look exactly like this picture.  Because, now that I am looking again, it might have moved less than I first thought.

(And a note to myself.  If I wait for two years to make repairs when something happens, delaying new growth and new roots, I risk my ground because my ground is vulnerable, even if to all outward appearances it is fine.  Just as growth is not always obvious, so also is a lack of growth.)

“Things you can control: your beliefs, your attitude, your thoughts, your perspective, how honest you are, who your friends are, what books you read, how often you     exercise, how many risks you take, how kind you are to others, how you interpret situations, how kind you are to yourself, how often you say I love you, how often you say thank you, how you express your feelings, whether or not you ask for help, how often you practise gratitude, how many times you smile today, the amount of effort you put forth, how much time you spend worrying, whether or not you judge other people, whether or not you try again after a setback, how much you appreciate the things you have.”

 Caleb LP Gunners